Courage?

“If you splash me before I’m wet, I won’t get in!” These are familiar words that come from my mouth when enjoying a day at the pool with my kids. They love when I get in and swim with them, and I do too…but they know I take my sweet time to do that. I’m a wimp and I’m ok with it! I may have delivered 6 babies naturally, by God’s grace, but I do not like cold water, and I have never been one to just jump in.

The Webster’s dictionary defines courage as “the quality of mind that enables one to encounter danger and difficulties with firmness, or without fear or depression of spirit.” I don’t think of myself as one who exemplifies this definition. I don’t think of myself as especially brave. But I guess there is a way that courage does become vital to what we’re about to embark on again in moving our family of eight back across the ocean to Kenya at the end of the summer.

I’m a person who likes routine and comfort. Two things that are not very plentiful in this life of missions, I’ve discovered. As many people plan for the start of next school year, I just hope we’re there in time and have enough go-power to get started before they want a fall break. Somehow, He will work it out. As many people settle into a house that they can decorate and truly live in, we have had a pile of framed pictures leaned on the wall of a bedroom in our house for almost a year. We were never sure what we should put up, only to turn around and take down. This life of uncertainty and much moving can be wearisome, though it does help me lean into my Provider, and remember my one true Home. 

And then there’s sickness. Why does it just feel easier to be sick here? Am I more certain that everything I need would be at my disposal in mere seconds should things turn bad for me or a family member? Do I have that much trust in the “system?” Am I sure there wouldn’t be a shortage of a necessary medicine, or that the time it takes an ambulance to reach us would always beat the time it would take to run or drive up that hill at Tenwek carrying one who needs help? Don’t I trust that God is my true source of Help? Not a first-world medical system?

When I feel like I’m heading toward a wilderness, toward some things I have very real fears about, I’m learning to thank Jesus even for that. I’m learning to be still before Him and remember that He is still God. 

“Every wilderness holds God’s tenderness, and the driest of deserts can be the holy of holies. Deserts aren’t places to fear: Deserts are trust greenhouses. Rest in today’s pasture, and fret not about tomorrow’s provision.”

Ann Voskamp, waymaker

Maybe that’s what true courage looks like. Even though I sometimes feel overwhelmed with fear and overcome with weariness, Christ is my anchor, and I can keep moving forward, clinging to Him. He knows. He sees. He cares. He provides. The only true courage I find is found in Him.