The tension

I used to think that missionaries were sort of super humans. They were on fire for Jesus, and just full of an incredible amount of energy and strength. They didn’t really think too much about the possessions they left behind or experience a ton of discouragement. They had a supernatural ability to leave their close family and friends in God’s hands, and then be tens of thousands of miles away for really long periods of time, satisfied with only a letter here and there.

Now reality has hit for us many times over. Missionaries are real people. If you didn’t already know that, we can tell you all about it! (*sidenote: there are many missionary biographies that tell of this also) We leave for Kenya in 10 days!! There is such a tension we’re experiencing now, I can testify that there is nothing super human going on in our house…but there is an incredible God.

I admit I have been wrestling with God these past few weeks. I’ve been resisting, in some ways, this calling. I’ve been all over the map with my emotions. “This is hard, Lord. How can we do this, God? It’s just TOO much!” That’s just a small example. All 8 of us are experiencing it. But I think I’m realizing that it’s ok. It’s the tension. The tension of going and staying. We are called to go. There are parts of our humanity that want to stay. Saying goodbye is done in layers and our souls process it even when we’re not literally faced with it at that moment.

“Belief is the antidote to a troubled heart: believing in God, believing that He is with us, believing that He is good…”

Sally Clarkson, “Dancing with my Heavenly Father”

I think the shift in my wrestling came recently as God has been showing me over and over in His word and through His people that He is good and He can be trusted. I was reminded to repent of my resisting attitude and go back to simple belief. He is and will take care of us and all the details of our lives. He is good. And no matter the circumstances or craziness, I can stand in His presence in fullness of joy that He provides.

So pray with us and for us on this journey. Pray we will stand firm in belief, even when we feel like we’re crumbling inside. Pray we will believe we serve a good God, holy in every way, who goes before us and will be with each one of us, working for our good and His glory all the time. Pray we will remember the bigger picture of why He has us going in the first place…He is preparing people who need to hear our story or experience His love and grace somehow through us.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." -Hebrews 10:23