For such a time as this

The first cold shower I took here was on our first morning. What a way to wake you up out of jet lag! It was miserable. And actually, it wasn’t because there was anything wrong with the water in the place we were staying. It was my own misunderstanding about how to use the system. Many things are like this. Culture shock is very real, and it often shows up in the most “normal” things that you’re trying to accomplish on any given day. 

I have to confess, the first couple weeks of living in Kenya were not pretty for me. I could not get past the self-centered, what does this mean for me stage. I saw everything as a hardship, as suffering. I was desperately searching for mercy—undeserved kindness—and while God was faithfully providing it, many days I could not see past my discomfort.

I think we all do this sometimes. Our limited perspective causes us to only see what’s right past our nose. We either stuff down the hard stuff until we explode, or we go along lamenting and wondering why things can’t just be a little bit easier, as if that’s on the list of things we “deserve.” So, in my recent experience with this, the answer was to simply be

I think the turnaround for me came when I realized, moment by moment, that God was not going to lighten my load all the sudden or magically poof me back to what I might see as the “easy” life in the United States (which is not actually true). It came when I realized I just needed to be in His presence. I needed to trust His heart. I needed to walk by faith, allowing Him to stretch my faith, seeking Him moment by moment and believing that though I can’t see the whole picture, everything that is happening is part of the work He has begun in me, and in us, and will carry on to completion. (Philippians 1:6) 

We are here in Kenya for such a time as this. We might not always see the good, we might not always think we’re making much of a difference. We walk on, by faith, declaring that we serve an awesome and mighty God. He does everything on purpose. We pray we will be able to affect people’s lives here—not just by humanitarian work–but by the incredible power of the gospel. Christ is able to save. He is saving me, day by day…and not just from cold showers (though I definitely know that hot showers are by His grace alone!), but from a cold, wayward heart.

I often tell my kids when they are missing something or someone back at home, “I know, we just have to trust God.” It’s true. We might hurt in some ways. We might misunderstand things here or be misunderstood as we go about our days. But God is trustworthy, and where He has you, where He has me, it all has purpose. May we have eyes to see His mercy and ears to hear which way to walk, and hands and feet that do His work and glorify Him.

Thank you for your continued prayers for our family! Thank you for following our journey. We are humbled and grateful.

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Preparations

Sometimes when you have a million and twelve things to do, you just sit down to write a blog post. Yep, that’s what you do. 

I’ve been formulating in my mind for weeks how to describe these preparations God has us in. He’s preparing us physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally…on so many levels.

I will be brief, but I think there is a bit to share. It might be true to say we are all always in some sort of preparation time. We may not know what we’re being prepared for, but there is so much that is unknown in this life and the future. So in these weeks of getting ready to pick up our lives and transport them to life and ministry in Kenya, I just want to be as aware as possible, as present as possible, to the work the Lord is doing.

Things I’m learning in this season of preparation: 

  • He holds ALL things together. There is no amount of strength I can muster to get us ready for what lies ahead. In many ways, I have no idea what lies ahead. I can’t hold it all together, but thankfully we know who can, and that He does.
  • The sun rising in the east is a sure thing, every day. And just like that, our heavenly Father cares for us and knows what we need even before we ask.
  • Tears come, for the adults and kids alike, and not always for the reasons we think. Sometimes even in a season of busyness, there needs to be time to stop, acknowledge the tears, give thanks for God’s good gifts and remember that He knows our heartaches, disappointments, and hopes too.
  • God will always be urging us to trust Him more. A practical example of this: we got our plane tickets and thought “Yay, we finally have set a date to go.” Then, feeling settled with that, we found out a few days later we’ll be living in a different home than we thought in Kenya, and it’s not quite finished being built yet. Yikes! Another opportunity to trust Him…
  • The work is His. As much as we have a role and responsibility in fulfilling what God has called us to, it is His work. We have to trust Him to sustain it and continue it.
  • He answers prayers and gives good gifts. There have been many practical examples, even small ones, of this recently. Just when I feel like I’ve about given up on something, God shows me he’s always hearing and answering and loving us. Lord, help my unbelief!
  • On a similar note, I’m reminded to stay steadfast in the faith, even in the face of adversity and challenges, even when I don’t feel like my prayers are heard. Steadfastness, perseverance and endurance might be some of the biggest needs we have. 

So, if you think of praying for our family in this juggling of a million and 12 things right now, we’d greatly appreciate it. May we turn to the Lord and may He faithfully prepare us all for what lies ahead.

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He is worthy

Two years ago, at this time of year, we were in the middle of our 6 months in Kenya. We were experiencing all the ups and downs of culture stress, busy with the hospital and community of Tenwek, while also being given the unexpected blessing of caring for a newborn orphan in our home. As I reflect on that time, I am reminded that the Lord was teaching me so much about what is truly important. He was refining me to weed out my comfort that I so often cling to, and my illusions of control. He was showing me that His kindness doesn’t mean things always work out just the way I think they should.

Fast forward 2 years. Here we are. On the verge of getting back to serving the Lord in our calling to Kenya in just a few months. It has been a longer journey than we thought, with many unknowns still in the mix, but God continues to show me what is truly important. He is worthy.

As I sit here on a cold day in April, the fireplace going, my kids pouring over a mountain of library books nearby and the hum of the dishwasher running…what is truly important is that He is worthy. He is worthy of me giving Him my full trust, my whole self, my ordinary and not so ordinary days.

I’ve learned so much about God’s character this past year, deep things about his love and mercy and compassion. I know this has been a time of true preparation. I could be tempted to think we are not real missionaries yet. It doesn’t really count to sit here in comfort in North Carolina. And yet…it does. He is refining us all. I can’t explain it sufficiently, but He is welling up in my soul just how worthy He is, how nothing else truly satisfies or even matters aside from knowing Him and making Him known.

There are fears I have about getting back to a place of vulnerability that comes with living and serving overseas. Though I know it’s not a thing to dwell on, there is an ache I feel sometimes when I think about the unknown hardships we will certainly face. We all have those aches in our soul, the longing for things to be easier or better or right. Yet I know our sufferings are nothing compared to the glory that our God promises to reveal as we yield ourselves to His will and calling.

So this Easter week, from perhaps a more outwardly “comfortable” spot on this side of the ocean, I find myself wanting more and more just to share how awesome Jesus is and how great is his mercy. That He is truly worthy of all blessing and honor and glory.

There is no other way to be saved…and we are a people desperately in need of saving. 

*Here are a few poignant lines from Andrew Peterson’s song, Is He worthy? Hearing it again the other day is what prompted me to write down these thoughts.

Does the Father truly love us? (He does)

Does the Spirit move among us? (He does)

And does Jesus, our Messiah hold forever those He loves? (He does)

Does our God intend to dwell again with us? (He does)

Is He worthy? Is He worthy?

Of all blessing and honor and glory

Is He worthy of this?

HE IS!

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